I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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