Your face is a jimmy john
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
