you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
