he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
