Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
