You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
