I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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