I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
