The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
