Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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