i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Congratulations! We have a period
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