do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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