OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
