She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
