Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
