i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
