Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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