And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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