This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
did i just pee glitter
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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