I wannas sexs uuuuu
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
