When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
