If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
