Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
