He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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