I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
