This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
