Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
