Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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