You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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