end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
