I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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