i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
