That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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