My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
