what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
