She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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