I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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