There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
