are you still at the devil's house?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
