If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is Oprah even human
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
