I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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