i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
