Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
