The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
