Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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