Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
