Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
did i just pee glitter
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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