did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
