I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
