i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
