I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
