u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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